dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
