forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
