I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
