you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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