Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
