i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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