So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
