i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
