Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
This is my gift to your gina
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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