Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
