life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
