Have you finally orgasmed yet?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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