shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
