I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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