I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
