Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
