We need to rekindle our bromance
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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