dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
