why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
