I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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