I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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