she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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