dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
