my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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