So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize