My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
