I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
