The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
we should paint friendship bongs
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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