I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
