i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
