using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
