Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
