Betty ford says i'm here all night
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
my nose is crying tears of wow.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
