im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
