Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
