i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I forget how to act sober
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