After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
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