The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
