I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
the gays at disneyland are vicious
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
