He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Everyone says I win the strip club
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
