Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
