if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
well you can't waste a boner
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
