So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
