We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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