No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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