I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
