Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
