I was born with a shot glass in my hand
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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