is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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