I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
