I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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