I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
