I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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