btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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