Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
