ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
