You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
